This Changed Me Forever

When I learned this, it changed me forever...

We've been programmed to believe that success means earning someone else's approval to feel loved.

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👶 It starts with our upbringing:

Modern culture revolves around achievements, status, and proving our worth. This mindset often stems from childhood. If we did something “wrong,” we were punished. If we did something “right,” we were rewarded with positive attention and affection, which we mistook for love.

This system of ‘conditional love’ teaches us that our worth depends on conforming to someone else’s rules. This programming follows us into school, the workplace and personal relationships.

But who makes these rules? Do they truly serve us? Is this really love?

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🔗 The trap of performance-based self-worth:

When my self-worth depended on my performance, I felt the constant need to achieve something to feel deserving of love. I sought validation from external sources, and after reaching one goal, I quickly became restless and pursued the next. This endless cycle of seeking approval through achievements is often disguised as "success”. The trap of this pattern is that, no matter what you achieve, it will simply never be enough.

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❤️ Our quest for love and connection:

Two of our biggest needs as humans are love and connection. It’s not about ignoring these needs but finding healthy ways to meet them. I realized that I didn’t need to earn love through achievements, I was already born good enough — we all are!

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⭐ Finding freedom through internal validation:

By validating myself, I am now free to be me, live on my terms, and follow what lights me up from a place of love instead of fear, regardless of external approval.

This journey has been transformative for me, and I'm passionate about helping others untangle their own programming to experience similar liberation.

Stay Courageous

Dean Arcan