Comfort vs Growth

I love asking this question:

🗣 Tell me about a Courageous Decision you’ve made in your life?

What follows is an incredible story, a window into someone's unique essence and life experience. I can feel their energy and excitement as they share.

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✨ Then I ask, is there a Courageous Decision you would like to make now?

This is usually when I feel a shift in energy. Most people say yes, but then follow up with statements treated as facts rather than limiting beliefs: I’m too old, the world has changed, times are tough etc.

I have no judgment—I’ve said all these things myself! I only have empathy and compassion because I know how uncomfortable this can feel. It drove me to understand this from a human behavior perspective.

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❓ What’s really happening here?

In life, we each have what is known and unknown to us. Our nervous system craves comfort in the known, while our soul seeks growth in the unknown.

Everything that is known to us was once unknown.

As children, our prefrontal cortex isn't fully developed, making us naturally free-spirited and curious. We explore, experience, and take risks. When we fall learning to walk, we cry but quickly get back up.

As we grow, our brains register pain from experiences, forming beliefs stored in our unconscious. Soon, we avoid things based on this programming.

In adulthood, after experiencing the discomfort of stepping into the unknown, we tend to favor the known for its familiarity. Even if we want change, there’s inner resistance. We fear the unknown might be worse than our current situation, making it feel too risky.

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💡 What’s the solution?

We tend to have two options:

1. Unconscious: Seek a life of comfort by trying to avoid uncomfortable emotions, which is a source of discomfort in itself and an unrealistic and ineffective strategy. The result? Life will force us to grow through personal, professional, or health challenges.

2. Conscious: Become aware of this mechanism, identify what we are trying to avoid and why, then learn to expand our capacity to feel uncomfortable emotions. The result? We stop resisting life and see it as a perfectly designed opportunity to experience the full range of human emotions and grow.

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Stay Courageous

Dean Arcan